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News Reports Missing the Comedy


I love my local newspaper – The Press – in Christchurch. Their reports are well laid out and well detailed and they always manage to touch on a comedy moment.

They never actually elaborate on this moment but I swear they see the funny side themselves but are trying to refrain from taking the mick out of the situation.

Here’s two great examples. Both within the last month.

Example one: the story of a local fugitive.

So as the story goes, this criminal escaped from the police and has been evading them for months now. The Press reported on a story where he was almost caught. In the small town of Darfield, a Doctor was heading home from work when he saw the fugitive in question, loading up stolen goods from a pharmacy into the back of a stolen ute. Let’s hand over to the Doctor’s own testimony:

“I saw the ute drive off so I gave chase. After a short while, I realised my Audi was no match for his ute so I called off the chase”

The Press then continues with the rest of the story, but hang on a minute! Hold the phone! The ute was no match for his Audi?? Now, I don’t know about you guys but here’s the image I have in my head;


Audi (and let’s not forget, this is a Doctor’s Audi):
Now do you think it’s accurate that a ute stolen from a farm would outrun a Doctor’s Audi? Or is it more likely that while saying this to the reporter, the Doctor had a smile on his face and a look that said “like I’m gonna chase a criminal who is known to have at least two shotguns on him”? And did the reporter know this and keep it in the article for comedic value? I like to think so.

Example two: a great way to spend your last $20

I actually read this today over my lunch time coffee. Two young American guys had been touring around New Zealand, doing the backpacker thing. They had picked up a hitch-hiker – a New Zealander called “Rusty” (alarm bells should have been ringing).

They actually tented with this guy for 3 days before Rusty stole their car, filled with most of their gear, leaving the two Americans with a tent, a fishing rod and $20.

Now, crime sucks. And crime against tourists is even worse. This hitch-hiker has taken advantage of these two young fellas’ trust and given New Zealand a bad name.

But in the article, the journalist touches ever so briefly on the one simple fact:

“While deciding what to do, the two young Americans spent half their remaining money on a $10 hacky-sack ball”

Ok now, come oooon! That’s your story right there! Forget “Hitch-Hiker Steals From American Tourists”, the headline should be “American Theft Victims Spend Half  Their Survival Money On Ball”!


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