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Improve SEO With Dodgy Words & Hot Girls.


Hot Secy Apple GirlThis has been mentioned a few times before but we’re going to pretend you’re not cool enough to have read the rest of this blog and so you may not know that this whole site is hosted on WordPress.

Although you may be too cool to know that SEO stands for Search Engine Optimisation. Now you know. You’re a little bit less cool. Ha.

Anyway, as well as an awesome amount of functionality for little-to-no cost, WordPress provides a heap of statistics along the lines of:

– How many people have visited your site
– What articles they read
– What search terms they used to find your site in the first place

Now if you’re thinking “OMG! I’m being watched!” then fear not, you’re absolutely right. But hey, we don’t get your personal details and if you’re thinking in acronyms and you actually use “OMG” in conversational language then to be honest we don’t want your details anyway.

What the stats DO show are, like I said, words people have put into popular search engines like Google (let’s face it, that’s the ONLY popular search engine) to find this here blog that you’re reading now.

All of this goes on behind the scenes but I’m actually going to give you a sneak peak at the stats behind this blog. Why? Because you should all be ashamed! Take a look:

Search Terms for all days ending 2009-11-11 (Summarized)

Search Views
loser sign 31
scary washing machine 22
short skirts 20
blogspot vs wordpress 11
not for girls chocolate 7
christchurch 6
yorkie not for girls 6
garrett holborn 4
blackpool 4
very short skirts 4
shortest skirt ever 3
blackpool postcards 3
yorkie nestle 3
largest glitter ball 3
“scary washing machine” 3
giant glitter ball 3
flashing girls blackpool 3
boy racers 3
wife short skirt 3

The most common search term people have used to find this site is “loser sign” as mentioned in our post about Christchurch violence.

However, if we add up all the references to short skirts and flashing girls, you get a total of 33 hits from these terms. All this traffic because of a post about Blackpool tourism that included a photo of a girl with a ridiculously short skirt.

We also found that the most commonly clicked on image was that same short-skirt-girl photo. Try going to that post and clicking on the image now.

It’s great to know that we’re attracting quality readers to our incredibly influential blog on political current affairs and breaking news stories (Ed: what blog would that be then??).

Oh and yeah this blog post had a point didn’t it? Let me get onto that:

How to improve your SEO (that’s “search engine optimisation” for all our readers that don’t wear transparent plastic sandals and bicycle clips around their bell-bottom trousers) by using dodgy references in your text:

Next time you write a blog post or add a new page to your website, why not start the text with a dodgy reference of your choosing? Got an “Meet Our Team” page? Try starting it with:

Porn. We have a great team of quality professionals at our company.

Or do you want it to blend in with your blog post about your dog washing business? How about:

Soapy car-wash-girls are not employed by us as the dogs don’t know the difference.

Do that and watch your stats soar. You won’t get the type of readers you really want but hey you’ll feel all warm and fuzzy with all this new attention.


5 Comments leave one →
  1. Lauren permalink
    12/11/2009 4:00 am

    Bahahahahaha!!! You are so funny. 🙂

  2. 12/11/2009 9:25 pm

    Thanks Lauren (I paid Lauren to post that comment)

  3. Mr Toxicity permalink
    17/02/2010 1:40 am

    You got me there. I was seriously researching the topic of short skirts…

  4. 13/07/2010 12:08 pm

    nice & good


  1. Spammers. At least make an effort. « Red Armband of New Zealand – Underground News

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